i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
