my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
