that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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