just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
