She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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