no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can I color on your dick again?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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