I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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