if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
