look no pants
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
false alarm. still invincible.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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