thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
its liver damage thursday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
