Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
