people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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