i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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