New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Actions speak louder than pants.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
