im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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