she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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