Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
