it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
