I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
