I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
