Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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