Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
