I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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