bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
