Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
