You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
