ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
