So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
