The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
