If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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