Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
