Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
