Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
