his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
