Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
