I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
