literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
