masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
