She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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