Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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