Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
