He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
