I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
