He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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