I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
