this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
