Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
