I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
