We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
