this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Bring me that man meat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
