i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
