When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
