needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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